Duran's St Valentine's Day Massacre
by ShotgunNeko
Summary: Kiyohime and Arbok go on a date. Duran kills Arbok. Hilarity Ensues. ONESHOT!


**A/N:**

Just expanding on an omake I wrote for Saving Shizuru.

I love Kiyohime.

**Disclaimer:**

I do not own Mai Hime/Pokemon/101 Dalmatians or The Simpsons

**V-day! **

It was Valentine's day and Duran was in the Doghouse. Literally. Kiyohime had made him sleep outside last night and now he was cold and hungry. It wasn't as though he had done something stupid to deserve it either. Unlike his master, Natsuki who was now facing Shizuru's wrath for forgetting the holiday of love. No the problem began last night, as it was Wednesday, and Wednesday was games night.

Kiyohime would invite Julia, Diana, and Gakutenou over for a rousing game of backgammon or canasta. While Duran, Hari, Kagutsuchi, and St.Vlas would form a poker foursome. Usually it took less than a half an hour before Julia and Kiyohime would begin to fight about which one of them was cheating (they both were). Then about 15 minutes later Diana would pass out from the drink while Gakutenou would then try to take advantage of her. Finally Kagutsuchi and St.Vlas would find any reason they could to start a pissing contest over the dumbest thing imaginable. The noise level would then rise to epic proportions, until Duran would get completely fed up with everyone and begin shooting everything in sight, including his friends. The next day all their friend's would either phone or leave a message stating what a great time it was, and how they were looking forward to next Wednesday.

Unfortunately for Duran, last night was not like games' night past, as a drunken Diana had turned her attention towards him, wrapping him up in her vines and tickling his chin with her soft sensual leaves. Duran was trying to escape her clutches when Kiyohime slithered around the corner, offering mixed nuts to her guests, and caught the two CHILDS in said compromising position.

Kiyohime had hissed, cursing loudly and thrashing her six heads unhappily. Their friends had been scared away as the large purple snake continued her tantrum, ultimately throwing the wolf outside the door and into the backyard. This is where he was at the moment. He decided the best idea to win Kiyohime back was to show her she was the only girl for him. As he was trying to come up with a way to "woo" the snake, his best friend Hari came running up, out of breath. Kagutsuchi was not far behind him. Duran sighed at seeing Kagutsuchi, he had little patience for the fire dragon.

_Oh look at me, I'm Kagutsuchi and I'm so awesomely manly. I have a sword in my nose and fire shoots out of my ass...I'm so punk, ska and emo all in one. Well la ti da..._

Duran laughed inwardly at his impression of the fire CHILD.

"Duran you have to come quick" wheezed Hari."It's Kiyohime!" he exclaimed looking nervous.

Duran was automatically concerned for his lover's safety. "What's wrong? Is she hurt? Is Shizuru ok?" he asked worried.

"No it's nothing like that..." Hari trailed off looking down and pawing at the dirt under his foot. He began to unconsciously play in it.

"SHE'S ON A DATE!!" yelled Kagutsuchi.

"WHAT??" growled Duran furiously. "WHO'S THE WISEGUY??" he bellowed, as his friends hid behind the bushes in fear.

"It's her ex-boyfriend, that pompous prick from that seizure inducing show, Pokemon." Hari said quietly, hoping to avoid the wrath.

"I choose you ARBOK." yelled Kagutsuchi, jumping out of the bush.

"ARRGHHHHHH" growled Duran once again. "Take me to her!" he angrily told Hari and Kagutsuchi.

Kiyohime and Arbok were enjoying a nice quiet dinner at their favorite restaurant The Snakepit. Duran arrived outside just in time to see Arbok flicking his tongue rather suggestively at a blushing and giggling Kiyohime. This sent Duran into another rage, as Hari and Kagu tried to calm him down.

"Don't worry, you got this buddy." said Kagutsuchi. "Arbok has to be the crappiest Pokemon on the show, second only to Wheezing maybe." He continued. "You can so take him."

Duran looked at Kagutsuchi inquisitively. "Do you actually watch that show." he half-smiled.

Kagutsuchi suddenly remembered he had to be cool around his friends. "No way Homeslice, that's not the way I roll, Whatchu talking bout Willis? Fo Shizzle muh Shnizzle, Beeeyotch!

Duran and Hari shook their heads not understanding a word of that nonsense. Then Hari spoke up in defense of Arbok.

"It's not Arbok's fault that his trainer didn't realize his full potential, and therefore he was doomed to be the joke of the whole damned anime." he cried out in agony.

Hari still wasn't over the fact that he had been the first CHILD defeated. He secretly blamed Akane for being too busy with Kazuya to properly use his power.

"Whatever!" seethed Duran. "It's go time!"

Before either Kagu or Hari could stop him, Duran ran towards the door of the restaurant, howling and firing double cannons at the poor unsuspecting Arbok. Arbok was completely disintegrated and Duran didn't waste a second as he ran up and kissed the woman, er snake that he loved. Kiyohime was impressed by his awesome display of testosterone and kissed him vigorously, with all six of her tongues.

Hari and Kagu watched in awe. "That's a lot of tongue." claimed Kagu as his eyes glazed over from sexy snake overload.

Duran then pounced on the stage, sending the jazz band flying, as he grabbed the mic. Actually he ate the mic, but that's unimportant. He then proceed to serenade his beloved with a wonderful rendition of Cold Hearted Snake by Paula Abdul. If Kiyohime actually had ears, I'm sure she would have enjoyed it immensely.

Exactly nine months to the day, the Snuppies were born.

"Snuppies?" asked Natsuki, raising her eyebrow.

"Ara, aren't they just adorable Natsuki?" Shizuru cooed.

Natsuki looked at the snuppies. Their heads and front paws were that of a wolf, while their bottoms were that of a snake. Natsuki was frankly quite disturbed by the monstrosities.

"My Natsuki knows I can't possibly give any of these precious snuppies away, so it's settled we are going to keep all four of them." Shizuru again oohed and ahhed over the little ones.

Natsuki didn't think they could give them away if they wanted to, let alone pay someone to take them off their hands. Just then Shizuru handed her the only female one of the group.

Shizuru looked at the tiny snup and exclaimed "This one will be Jewel." She then looked at the remaining male snups and named them too. "And you will be Patch, and you will be Lucky and this cute fat little fella will be Roly!" she happily grinned continuing to cuddle the snuppies.

Natsuki glared at Duran.

"You know your getting fixed right?" she smiled evilly.

The sound of loud howling could be heard echoing throughout the house and down the street well into the night.

Happy Valentine's Day Duran!!!

lol SILLY I know, but what the heck did you expect from me?

**ShizNat VD Omake**

Natsuki: (basking in the wonders of the roses, choccies, sports cars, french villas, and Harley Davidsons that Shizuru has bestowed upon her for V-Day.)

Shizuru: Ara, when will I get MY Valentine's Day gift from my cute Natsuki.

Natsuki: Oh sorry baby I forgot! ((gets up and comes back with a tiny envelope))

Shizuru: ((opens it and reads)) I Choo-Choo Choose you! ((picture of a train puffing away)

Natsuki: Happy Valentine's Day Shizuru

Shizuru: ((feeling a little psychotic)) NAT-SU-KI !!!!!!!!!

Natsuki: Good-bye PLEASE! ((runs from the woman chasing her with the naginata))

End Omake

LOL To anyone who doesn't know, on a very old episode of the Simpsons, Lisa gives Ralph the same pity valentine as Nat gave Shiz.

Happy VD(lol) everyone!

ShotgunNeko


End file.
